I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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