My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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