why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
