oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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