Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
