My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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