that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
