Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
