I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
