thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
