dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
