My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
