I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
