Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
