Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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