with your own penis?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
