Pregnant stripper...not hot.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
