lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
