I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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