So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
