Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
