What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
