just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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