you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
