do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
