Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
