I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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