3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
