Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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