Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
