god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
