"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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