I faked an abortion last night.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
