Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
