went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
