So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
