I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
