9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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