addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
