May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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