You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
