READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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