i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
