billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
