So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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