1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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