God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
