i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
