ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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