after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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