If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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