She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
