a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
