This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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