Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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