so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Couch. On fire.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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